Friday, June 20, 2008

Agnostic me

Dear God

I am doing quite well here these days. My thinking has become more coherent. I do believe that I am competent enough to encounter whatever is in store for me. I hope it all works well. There are times when I still feel a tad different. No, I no more feel like am losing my mind and going crazy. I think that I’m well past that stage where I weep, for me. I now know that I’ll just have to live with it. But the past hovers around me like a night shadow. I can’t get it off my back. Although, looking elsewhere helps all the time. I cried today. I cried today for no particular reason at all. The tears just rolled out. It felt good later. The best part was, though I wept fast and hard, I stopped just as soon. I dried my eyes and sat still for a long time. I sat and I thought. The road ahead is dark, illuminated only a few steps at a time. I drift about. I don’t look over my shoulder. I turn back completely and look. I might stray the wrong way. I might do so knowingly enough. I like to explore. I want to discover. The hidden, darker paths might mislead me, bring distress upon me, I care less. I know me. I know that I always end up on the right path. I ask for a chance to ascertain to myself on the ways of this life. I do not seek your guidance nor do I seek your assistance. I merely ask for your patience and support. Do not misread my words. I am already on my way. On my way ahead.

Amen.

3 comments:

swattalk said...

Aaawww Thej, *hugs*
I cry for no reason too. I am very mushy. I don't care what the others think. I feel lighter and better after crying. And yes, the past! Well, I have learnt there's no way you can forget the past, even if you force yourself to, you'll end up thinking about the incident/person so much that you start missing them :(
Been there. Hugs again. >:)<

purplestorm said...


Swat : Thank you.

:)

Sumantics said...

Love you, Chinkah. When you're on your way, just remember one thing - the past is just that. The past.

You know I'm around whenever you need me.