They say we’re from the oceans. That fish, which emerged from the waters, developed stronger spine and lungs to become some of the first land vertebrates. Even if you read up on it, it takes effort to imagine how fish become mammals, how the apes became today’s humans. The billions of changes over millions of years. You also have the dinosaurs in there, sometime. To me, this thought is as massive to envision as to think how vast and unknown the universe is. I keep coming across so many facts and theories online that seem incredulous to me. Is the universe made of information than particles? The speeds at which the solar system is hurtling at across the galaxy! How exactly does the act of observing a photon change its state? Why? How is this connected to one's thoughts and perceivable reality? I am all muddled with my layman's, barely there, understanding. I was never good at physics.
I had a book titled just that - “The Universe” growing up. I cherished it. It had pictures and text enough to fascinate an 8 year old me. In 4th standard, I took the book to school to show it to the teacher. A sister, if you will. I studied in a convent. This teacher was one who trusted corporal punishment for students not writing in their diaries. If we failed to fill in our diary with homework for the next day, we had to stretch out our hands on the desk in front of us, while she walked by with a wooden ruler, ready to strike.
One day, I lied and did not put out my hand. She eventually found my diary without an entry but her walk-by with the ruler for that day was done. What is she to do now? She made me sit outside the class by the door, in the corridor, in view for the whole class to see. I was told I could enter the classroom if I got my parents to school and meet with her. I spent weeks of my 4th standard this way, watching the teachers of all subjects walk past me to the classroom, write on the blackboard, teach, leave the classroom, walking past me again. I still refused to call my parents. That year, my parents were dropping me to school on their way to work. Someone, a student or a teacher, got wind of this and somehow this reached that sister. And my parents eventually met her. I had to concede at school, while my abuse at home at my father's hands continued at nights.
I feel I have written about this before. Did the corporal punishment stop? I don’t remember. What I do remember are two things. One, at the end of that academic year, I put up a brave face, walked into the classroom after the exams and asked that sister for my book on the universe. The response I was given was "I don't have it anymore. I threw it out of the window." Second, the next year, in 5th standard, when the headmistress visited the classroom, stood by the door and asked the class teacher if we were filling our diaries, the class teacher of 5th standard singled me out, got me to handover my diary, flipped through pages of half entries, and lied to the headmistress, yes, it is filled. She then handed me back my book, while I sat back down, turned to the blackboard and continued as if nothing was wrong. She never asked me to fill it up. This teacher's name I remember. Her name was Brenda. Before that day, she was on a break. Years before her break, she taught to little UKG kids. That one incident of kindness and protectiveness healed me a bit. I recently learned that she passed away. She was still in her 50s.
I still miss my Universe book. I have had other books since, my son has better books now. I still miss that book. I sometimes wonder how things would have turned out if someone, an adult, had nurtured my curiosity back when I was 8. I may not have a degree in astrophysics (or maybe I could have?), but a better understanding of things, for sure.
Playground was an interesting read on ocean-life and the advent of AI tech. Richard Powers gives a panoramic view of four people and their lives, connected to the ocean in some way. I learned of so many creatures that dwell deep in the oceans from my son's Grade 1 presentation, too. Playground gave me interesting snippets about them. The vastness of the ocean is as scary and fascinating, sublime, even, just like the universe.
Junk art by Kush during our Mauritius stay
I have always preferred the beach to the mountains. I have enjoyed the calm, turquoise waters of the Maldives and Mauritius islands. I have also witnessed the roaring waves at various other places across different countries. But the cerulean blues of the waters in Mauritius hit me different. The ripples and the small waves glint in the sun in a way that like different in every direction you view it from. We saw barely any vegetation in Maldives, but so many trees in Mauritius.
We did a dolphin cruise the last time in Mauritius. We saw turtles too. The second time in Mauritius brought us schools of various fish by the shore every day. I watched them swim by for hours. Peeping out from the side of a rock, navigating the mossy vegetation by my feet. And this was just on the beach. Deeper in the ocean, I have seen in documentaries the creatures that ply around. Beautiful, enthralling, and scary too. I’m not one to learn to scuba dive. The depth scares me.
I wonder what secrets are yet to be discovered in the deep below us. How many things are yet to be understood about the world around us. How soon will we come to understand our placement on this planet, in this ever expanding dark space. We need more books from authors like Richard Powers.
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