That ambiguous, uncertain feeling

“Making love with a woman and sleeping with a woman are two separate passions, not merely different but opposite. Love does not make itself felt in the desire for copulation (a desire that extends to an infinite number of women) but in the desire for shared sleep (a desire limited to one woman).”

-        Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being

I love the above text. Kundera puts it with such clarity. He writes about two very different desires - one sexual and the other less so. The need to mate is more primal, so to speak. To share a bed with someone and to just let your eyelids close leading to a state of rest to your ever wandering mind is something else. On similar notes, being in love with someone is different from loving someone. To experience love in its various forms is when you would find yourself open to how to you truly feel about things. An intense rush of love towards someone is not the same as the joy and bliss you’d get from being in love with someone. And to be able to distinguish the two when encountered simultaneously, is when melancholy makes itself known.

Memories

One looks back at things that are long gone, and one wonders...

                                                 Celine: Memories are wonderful things,
                                                     if you don't have to deal with the past.

There just happens to be a very beautiful thing such as solitude

They say there is no such thing as happiness. No one is ever truly happy. Happiness is something that is much sought after. We do it in such subtle, involuntary ways even. We always want a little more, a little better. Everything we do is to feel better than before. Why? Why is it so needed, that we are happy? Why can we not embrace sadness and welcome it? Why is contentedness to be found only in happiness? The need for things around oneself, people to interact with is so pitiable that one is scared to even question their necessity in life. Relations – the societal need for them surpasses their actual role. It’s all just sad. Ergo, even though one may try hard to find it, happiness cannot be found.

It probably doesn’t even exist.

Solitude is least appreciated when given without being asked for. I was close to contentment while I was living alone. I miss that house. I miss my evenings right after work. I miss the nights.

Sure, times were hard what with the periodic lack of resources, but I pulled myself by.

Here is a picture taken right outside my door, on a rainy day, just as the skies cleared up...

Will I ever be feel like that again? "Happy"?

It is a question that would not have an answer.

All you have to do, is listen

Never will a fleeting moment escape without you giving it enough thought to add to it that gravity and magnitude it never had to begin with. Such is life. All the things you see and hear, you cannot help but give them some meaning. You form opinions and take opinions. More often than not, they will mean nothing. Everything is basically a sham of sorts. Isn't it bad enough that you are dictated by the societal norms formed over decades of false notions and flimsy perceptions? No, you are not content. The need to follow a bunch of things and to hold on to the rest is pathetic. Freedom of thought is literally non-existent. It is not going to be easy to even comprehend what you are reading here. Try getting away from the noise. Noise pounding at your ear drums and drilling into your brains.  'Calm before the storm' is so wrong. The din of silence is more likely to be heard in its wake. Get away from it all. Be one with yourself. Let go of your pretentious and sickly inhibitions. And then, maybe you'll hear it.

Of Clichéd Sayings

Proverbs and sayings are being used at an alarming rate. What is scary is that the entire meaning of that phrase itself becomes either overly dramatised or ignored all together. My good friend quoted one recently. “History repeats itself," she said. Now, what can you possibly make of this sentence? That something that occurred at least once before will occur again?

Two events may be similar in more ways than one, but are not the same, per say. Similar, yes, but in the most subtle of things. Things remind you of certain occurrences of the past. Sometimes, it’s all more than just a déjà vu. But are they repeated events, literally? Of course not. Two events are never the same. If that is so, then why do similar things keep happening? I’d say it’s because we let them happen so. We tend do the things in the most comfortable of ways that we are used to doing and thus, we ourselves lead these events to take place all over again. And we are so busy in this process that we don’t even realise doing so. It is only when the event has been done, that we shrug and say,”Yeah well, history repeats itself.” The irony.

Corny, eh?

Chick flicks. What do you make of them? The ones that have loud, noisy, giggly girls but still make the girl watching the flick reach for the tissues? I’ve never been a fan of such movies. Rom-coms, at that. No way. That being said, I recently watched the movie The Holiday. A mixture of romance/comedy/drama genres. Just your regular chick flick. It basically is a movie where two girls, who have obviously had failed past relationships, swap houses and spend a fortnight away from home. And yes, they both fall in love with a local guy. The movie stars Kate Winslet, Jack Black, Cameron Diaz and Jude Law. I liked the movie. A lot. The only chick flick that I have actually liked. Heh. Probably because of Jude Law. Still.

It is one of the corniest movies ever. The lines are clichéd. The plot is so predictable. The actors have definitely not given that good a performance, not that the roles needed any. The movie also has a fairytale-ish ending. One thing that struck me while watching the movie was when Jude Law says to Cameron Diaz that he’s in love with her. Not that he loves her, mind. That he’s in love with her. There is a difference, yes. Saying “I love you.” and “I’m in love with you.” are two totally different things. You may love someone, but are you IN love with them? No, it is not an infatuation. That is something else all together.

I have a host of excellent movies that I’d love to recommend. For now, The Holiday should do. Nice movie. Go watch it.

The sea and Pondicherry

There are very few things that feel ethereal for me. Being agnostic in nature, that’s saying something. There is only one thing that even remotely makes me feel there’s something ‘godly’ of sorts - the vast ocean. The one place that I find this feeling to be most is at Pondicherry. I first visited the place when I was nine or ten of age. I fell in love with the place. I felt something that I’d never felt before. I was literally in awe of the sea. I’d been to various beaches before, yes. But there was something about this small town with French elements scattered here and there that grabbed the attention of my ever wandering mind.

The charm of the place lies in its plainness. The French part of the town is much different from the other parts. The roads here are narrow, short and tiled. The houses are structured differently. The smell of the sea in the air can’t be missed. The humidity, the sun, the wind - all of it just right. The seashore is barricaded by large, black boulders. Sitting on one of those and staring out at the sea all day is what I went for the last time. I took time off from work, from my family, from everything. The waves hitting the lower rocks, the white frothy water receding just as the next wave comes in... The best part is the sound of the sea. The morning blue-green waters to the dark ones during the night, the sound of the waves as they come crashing on the rocks, the wind bellowing, everything is just enthralling. No other place with the sea brings out such a feeling in me. There's something about Pondicherry...

To travel by oneself is something that everyone must do. It is a truly amazing and fulfilling experience. You are at peace with yourself. For me, Pondicherry is the getaway place.

Visit the place. For what it is.